I READ THE NEWS TODAY OH BOY

ABOUT A LUCKY MAN WHO MADE THE GRADE

AND THOUGH THE NEWS WAS RATHER SAD

WELL I JUST HAD TO LAUGH

I SAW THE PHOTOGRAPH



HE BLEW HIS MIND OUT IN A CAR

HE DIDN´T NOTICE THAT THE LIGHTS HAD CHANGED

A CROWD OF PEOPLE TURNED AWAY

BUT I JUST HAD TO LOOK

HAVING READ THE BOOK



I´D LOVE TO TURN YOU ON



WOKE UP, FELL OUT OF BED

DRAGGED A COMB ACROSS MY HEAD

FOUND MY WAY DOWNSTAIRS AND DRANK A CUP

AND LOOKING UP I NOTICED I WAS LATE

FOUND MY COAT AND GRABBED MY HAT

MADE THE BUS IN SECONDS FLAT

FOUND MY WAY UPSTAIRS AND HAD A SMOKE

AND SOMEBODY SPOKE AND I WENT INTO A DREAM



I READ THE NEWS TODAY OH BOY

FOR THOUSANDS HOLES IN BLACKBURN, LANCASHIRE

AND THOUGH THE HOLES WERE RATHER SMALL

THEY HAD TO COUNT THEM ALL

NOW THEY KNOW HOW MANY HOLES

IT TAKES TO FILL THE ALBERT HALL



I´D LOVE TO TURN YOU ON