He's a serious mister

Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm

With Monopoly money

We'll be buying the funny farm

So I'll do flips

And get paid in chips

From a diamond as big as the Ritz

Then I'm calling it quits

Calling it quits



Eyes the color of candy

Lies to cover the handicap

And though your slippers are ruby

You'll be led to the booby trap

Well, there's no prize

Just a smaller size

So I'm wearing the shoe until it fits

Then I'm calling it quits

Calling it quits



Now he's numbering himself among the master minds

(Calling it quits)

'Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines

(Calling it quits)

Lifting dialogue from Judy Garland story lines

Where get-tough-girls turn into gold mines



And oh those Polaroid babies

Taking chances with rabies

Happy to tear me to bits

Well I'm calling it quits

Calling it quits