Pull up my pants

Now the camera crew has gone

In your statement to the police

Tell them how you turned me on



But you were such an ugly child

You were such an awkward child

You were such a stupid child

We should've cottoned on



Alan is a cowboy killer



Take up tai chi

Now your favourite pet has died

We had crazy fucking times

'Till her visa card expired



But you were such an ugly child

You were such an awkward child

You were such a stupid child

We should've cottoned on



Alan is a cowboy killer



Wipe up his mess

Pay your fluffers by the yard

How you're paying for your peace

How you're paying for your peace



But you were such an ugly child

You were such an awkward child

You were such a stupid child

We should've cottoned on



That Alan is a cowboy killer



Alan is a cowboy killer