(Lyle Lovett)

The two-step it drug like a ball and chain

While the band was playing something like Moon River or Somewhere Over The Rainbow

And I was chasing the black man with the champagne

And I was chasing the black girl with the Oysters Rockefeller



And it was a highbrow occassion

For no special reason

And nobody knew

Nobody knew

That the flowers were furnished by the funeral parlor

And the whole thing was paid for by the funeral director

Who poisoned the saxophone section



And if you ain't the big daddy

You ain't nobody

If you ain't the big daddy

You ain't nobody

Red and yellow, black and tan

But white that's the color of the big boss man

It was a twenty-piece orchestra at the Warwick Hotel

With some fat man from the opera who tried to sing Misty

And it was black men and black boys in white ties and tails

And mascara and rouge and fake fingernails



If you ain't the big daddy

You ain't nobody

If you ain't the big daddy

You ain't nobody

Red and yellow, black and tan

But white that's the color of the big boss man



They had them everywhere man

They had one on every foot and every hand

And they was all saying yes sir

And right away ma'am

And they was picking up plates

And they was pouring wine

And they was checking umbrellas

And making shoes shine

And they was handing out towels in the washroom

For a quarter



And it was an acceptable level of ecstasy

As far as everyone could see

But nobody knew

That the flowers were furnished by the funeral parlor

And the whole thing was paid for by the funeral director

Who poisoned the saxophone section



And if