Goodbye to all my friends I've known

And the travel agent I trusted.

I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane;

Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted.



As that ground crew pushes us backwards

On that rickety L-1011,

I'm feeling around for that flotation device,

And when the safety film is shown,

I'm payin' close attention.



Beat-up old jetliner,

Hope you got a tune-up today.

Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner,

Did they sneak you past the FAA?



Bouncin' 'round in a thunder cloud,

Landing gear won't come down.

My seatback is up and my belt is on.

I see the fire crews sprayin' foam on the ground.



And if I get to my final destination,

I know the next flight will surely be free.

But I don't think I'll go back up

Into that piece of shit just to save a few pennies.



Beat-up old jetliner

Won't carry me too far today.

Ohhhh, give me a fresh airliner;

I don't care what I've got to pay.



Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.



Beat-up old jetliner,

Don't carry me too far today.

Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner,

'Cause it's home that I'd rather stay.



Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

I've just turned off the no-smokin' sign.

I figure, hell, if the plane's smokin' why shouldn't you.