Written by Roger Miller

(As performed by George Jones)



(Chorus)

Oh the ways of the world, and the wants of a woman

If I figured them all out 'twould take many years



I once had a sweetheart, the fairest of maidens

She outshined all others that I'd known by far

I had a friend, a big fella, named big Harlan Taylor

Harlan had a rubber-tired, new shiny car



(Repeat chorus)



By the wants of a woman she fell for big Harlan

I tried, but in vain, for to take my own life

Suddenly I had lost all my will to keep livin'

She lost her desire to become my young wife



(Repeat chorus)



I wanted revenge and waylaid for big Harlan

Then I started wondrin' what good would it do

If a rubber-tired, new shiny car's her ambition

Then she can just have it and big Harlan, too



(Repeat chorus)



If I figured them all out it would take many years