I don't want no h.i.v.

I don't want no bullets inside of me

I don't want no d.w.i.

I don't want satan sticking that fork in my big eye



I don't need no driveby in front of my crib

I don't need your father to find out what I did

Last night with you baby in the back of that cab

In fact I don't even want to meet your dad



I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device

Something that'll let me park my car

When I'm fucked up in the middle of the night

I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device

Something that'll let me park my car

When I'm fucked up in the middle of the night

Call you up the next day and act real nice



I don't want to live on the mean streets of Chicago

I don't want you to call me Bobo

I don't need to watch t.v. twenty four hours a day

I don't need some motherfucking ad exec trying to tell me what to say



I need a little more gravy on my potato

I need a little more pepper on my big ole pink tomato

I need a little more treble in my stereo

I need a little more blonde in my haireeeooo



I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device

Something that'll let me park my car

When I'm fucked up in the middle of the night

I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device

Something that'll let me park my car

When I'm fucked up in the middle of the night

Call you up the next day and act real nice



I need a risk free money back guarantee

Don't need no problems hounding me

I need to make sure my girlfriend's not got mafia ties

Don't need nobody coming after me

I need to make sure that I keep my door locked try to keep my gun stocked try to keep it cocked try to keep it fr