CAL-LIB SONG

or How to Get a Man



Since I was a tiny tot, mama taught me quite a lot

How to look, how to sew and cook

And of course, how to get a man

Mama read the magazine, watch the color TV screen

Each advertiser made her wiser at how to get a man



My mama tell me:

"Don't show too much common sense, I know from experience

Use your head at the stove and bed and you'll surely get a man"

My mama tell me:

"Stay slender like sugar cane, eat no chocolate and no chow mein

False eyelashes and perfume splashes will help you get a man"



Soon I went on my first date, golly but I could not wait

Mama gave me every recipe for how to get a man

My mama tell me:

"Go gargle with Listerine, take a bath in Mr. Clean

Lift your dress up, spray FSD up, That's how to get a man"



Don't you tippy toe down the stairs 'til you clip your nose's

hairs

Shave your armpits and make them charmpits, that's how to get a

man

Cover up with acnomel, store-bought hair made of dynel

Lots of bother, but ask your father, that's how I got a man



Finally, a man I got, he eat and he drink a lot

Got big belly and kind of smelly, but still it is a man

I make for him chocolate cake, half a grapefruit myself I take

He got fatter and I got flatter, but still I got a man



I am tired now of shaving and for chocolate I'm craving

Liberation flag is waving, got to change my plan



I tell my mama:

"You can keep your recipe for your femininity

You may love it, but you may shove it and you may keep that man"

I tell my mama:

When a man for me does fall, he will love me hair and all

He'll admire though I perspire and that will be my man, hey

That will be my man



by Annette Kirk

printed in Here's to the Women

@feminist

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