VAL

...But after a while I caught on...I mean, I saw what they were

hiring! I also swiped my dance card once after an audition, and on a scale

of one to ten, they gave me for dance: TEN, for looks : THREE! Why?

Dance Ten, Looks Three

And I'm still on unemployment,

Dancing for my own enjoyment.

That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid!

Dance Ten, Looks Three

Is like to die!

Left the the'ter and called the doctor

For my appointment to buy...

Tits and ass

Bought myself a fancy pair

Tightened up the derriere

Did the nose with it

All that goes with it

Tits and ass!

Had the bingo-bongos done.

Suddenly I'm getting

Nash'nal tours!

Tits and ass won't get you jobs,

Unless they're yours!

Didn't cost a fortune neither.

Didn't hurt my sex life either!

Flat and sassy

I would get the strays and losers,

Beggars really can't be choosers.

That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid!

Fix the chassis,

"How do you do!"

Life turned into an endless medley of

"Gee, it had to be you.

"Why?

Tits and ass

Where the cupboard once was bare

Now you knock and someone's there

You have got 'em, hey!

Top to bottom, hey!

It's a gas!

Just a dash of silicone.

Shake your new maracas and your fine!

Tits and ass can change your life,

They sure changed mine!

Have it all done!

Honey, take my word.

Grab a cab, c'mon

See the wizard on

Park and Seventy-Third

For tits and ass.

Orchestra and balcony.

What they want is whatcha see.

Keep the best of you,

Do all the rest of you.

Pits or class, I have never seen it fail,

Debutante or chorus girl or wife.

Tits and ass, yes, tits and ass

Have changed my life!