It was the Seventh of December in the middle of the night,

The street was deserted except for smoke and moonlight,

The front of the papers read the latest scandal,

The people versus when the dog chewed the handle

It's a strange kind of story as far as stories go,

It's the tale of a man and his trusty fido,

With police to the left of him, on the right a dead vandal,

The only excuse was that the dog chewed the handle.

With the stick de la candle,

Or the study maybe strangled,

The professor with the pistol,

Oh no the dog chewed the handle.

He's got his integrity, don't need no excuse,

You can't say different got to let him loose,

The guy shouldn't've been there but he chose to gamble,

Heads you win, tails the dog chews the handle.

I suppose if I'd thought I shouldn't leave them together,

Grip made of bone and a holster that's leather,

Freak kind of accident that sets an example,

Dogs like bones that's why the dog chewed the handle.

With the stick de la candle,

Or the study maybe strangled,

The professor with the pistol,

Oh no the dog chewed the handle.

Oh look at it from my angle,

Oh just look at it.

With the stick de la candle,

Or the study maybe strangled,

The professor with the pistol,

Oh no the dog chewed the handle. (x2)

Oh look at it from my angle,

Oh just look at it