I went so numb on Christmas day

I couldn't feel my hands or feet

I shouldn't have come

She made me pay

For gleaming with Donald down her street

She put blame on him

And shame on me

She made it all seem so tawdry and cheap

"Oh, let's be nice, Mama, open up your gifts

You know, happiness is the best facelift"



I mean, after all, she introduced us

Oh, but she regrets that now

Shacked up downtown

Making love without a license

Same old sacred cow

She said, "Did you come home to disgrace us?"

I said, "Why is this joy not allowed?

For God's sake, I'm middle-aged, Mama

And time moves swift

And you know happiness is the best facelift"



Oh, love takes so much courage

Love takes so much shit

He said "You've seen too many movies, Joni"

She said "Snap out of it!"

Oh, the cold winds blew at our room with a view

All helpful and hopeful and candlelit

We kissed the angels and the moon eclipsed

You know, Happiness is the best facelift



We pushed the bed up to the window

To see the Christmas lights

On the east bank across the steaming river

Between the bridges lit up Paris-like

This river has run through both our lives

Between these banks of our continuing delights

Bless us, don't let us lose the drift

You know, Happiness is the best facelift