Fly in the ointment

Stain on the character

Dust on the wainscot

Hair on the gate



Bee in the bonnet

Ash on the waistcoat

Flake on the shoulder

Crack in the plate



Eye on the clock

Bat in the belfry

Head in the sand

Kick up the arse



Smudge on the collar

Hands in the paint

Flea in the ear

Snake in the grass



I though that you love me

Cos that's what you said

Climb on the table

Pat on the bed



The further you love me

You were taking the piss-tic

Out of the frying pan

Into the mystic



Rock in the carpet

Gap in the market

The open umbrella

But wait in the hall



An old bit of gum

With nowhere to park it

Soldier of fortune

Ear on the wall



I thought that you loved me

Cos that's how I felt

Kick in the bollocks

Under the belt



I thought that you loved me

Now I know I'm a prune

I wish through the window

(this line is so mumbled I doubt he knows what he said)



Knot in the hanky

Rat on the landing

Little bit hanging

Pain in the bum



Mind your own business

Only one standing

Wrong side of the bed

Terrible hum



I thought that you loved me

Cos that's what you said

Grub on the table

Hat on the bed



I thought that you loved me

You were taking the piss-tic

Out of the frying pan

Into the mystic



(note: the noises in the last verse and chorus are just him making

Rolf Harris type noises, he doesnt actually say any proper words)