(Warren Zevon and Larry Klein)

I've got a bitter pot of je ne sais quoi

Guess what-I'm stirring it with a monkey's paw

Since I saw you coming out of my barber's shop

In that skimpy little halter top



Did you light the candles? Did you put on "Kind of Blue?"

Did you use that Ivy League voodoo on him, too?

He thinks he'll be alright but he doesn't know for sure

Like every other unindicted coconspirator



Mata Hari had a house in France

Where she worked on all her secret plans

Men were falling for her sight unseen

She was a genius



There's a a face in every window of the Songwriters' Neighborhood

Everybody's your best friend when you're doing well-I mean good

The poet who lived next door when you were young and poor

Grew up to be a backstabbing entrepreneur



Albert Einstein was a ladies' man

While he was working on his universal plan

He was making out like Charlie Sheen

He was a genius



When you dropped me and you staked your claim

On a V.I.P. who could make your name

You latched on to him and I became

A minor inconvenience

Your protege don't care about art

I'm the one who always told you you were smart

You broke my heart into smithereens

And that took genius



You and the barber make a handsome pair

Guess what-I never liked the way he cut your hair

I didn't like the way he turned your head

But there's nothing I can do or say I haven't done or said



Everybody needs a place to stand

And a method for their schemes and scams

If I could only get my record clean

I'd be a genius