first off i would like to tell all the fat people out there

that there is hope for you and it starts with my best

friend Jenny u see Jenny used to be fat just like the

rest of us fat asses that like to sit around on the couch

all day and be fat i admit it i used to be a whopping 240 lbs

but now that i met my friend i am down to 205 lbs and in

only 3 1/2 months with a shake for breakfast, a shake for

lunch, and a slice of bread for dinner. it's the miracle diet!!!

i also engage in lots and lots of dirty dirty sex with my fat

ass husband, who is also on the diet. he has gone from 420 lbs

to 380 lbs in 3 1/2 months and he looks sexier and sexier

every day...especially when he is naked. i would also like

to take this time to advertise a brand new store where

people like you and me can go shopping without embarrassment.

u see they have stores for the small and petite little wenches

that think they're hot shit just because they don't have to

wear maternity clothes when they aren't pregnant. they also

have stores for the "big and tall" but for people like me who

are big but not tall, well, clothing companies like to forget

about us when it comes to making nice clothes, such as

spandex. something about not having enough material to

make the size i need or something. but anyway this new store

has everything we need and more. the store has aisles that

are 2x the size of a regular store, so no more backing out

of the aisle to let the other people get out, a definite plus.

also the entrances and exits are like barn doors, except

the open with a motion detector...ingenious!!! the store

carries clothing of all sizes...except for normal people that

meet the weight requirements to use an elevator. what

is the name of this amazing place you might ask well

it is called "Vertically Challenged and Pleasantly Plump"

and it fits the store perfectly without putting down us

fat asses. now if you take time to call the 800 number

a recording will help u find the nearest location of the

store and i'm tellin ya this place is going to be popular

i'm talking McDonald's type popular and we all know

how much we love that place so just call this number

(800) SPANDEX ext. FAT

(800) 772-6339 ext. 328

and if you want to go on my fabulous diet, the number is

(800) 01 JENNY

(800) 015-3669

GOOD LUCK FATSO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-fat amy