As Martin said to Xanthe

As they played with wooden toys

"You may have Wendy's playhouse

But where the heel's your boys?"

As Paul said to Fifi

As they eyed each other up

"You may have better plimsoles

But you can't pee standing up"



And I'd like to take the time to bite

Their neck and make it bleed

Or maybe I could cut holes in their

Daddy's Harris Tweed



And I can't put my finger on it

Maybe it's something in their food

And I cna't put my finger on it

All I know is Christ would've sued



As Sharon said to Jamie

As they sat down for a chat

"If you think I'm cooking dinner

Well, prepare to eat dead rat"



As Debbie said to Alex

As they held hands in the park

"How come you wear Rupert Check

When you think you're so hard"



I should've done his Land Rover

To let him know I'd been

Instead I wrote "F' off"

On the dirt across his screen



And I can't put my finger on it

Maybe it's something in their food

And I cna't put my finger on it

All I know is Christ would've sued



I wish I'd let them know that I was here

A drop of arsenic in the wine

Sulphuric acid in the beer


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