(Hank CardConrad Deisler)

I was one tough nut until the day you made me crack

I was one tough customer until you paid me back

I was one tough cookie 'til I crumbled in your hand

Since that day I'm half a man

I drive my old nine-wheeler down I-two-and-a-half

The other truckers pity me so they try not to laugh

I pull off in Yreka and check into Motel Three

They've always got a little room for me

Chorus:

Half a man; I'm half a man

Sometimes I try to do the best I can

I know that on my own foot someday I'll have to stand

But right now I don't know how

Because I'm only half a man

I play solitaire 'til dawn with a deck of twenty-six

You might think I'm crazy but that's how I get my kicks

I listen to Rush Limbaugh 'cause he helps to ease my pain

He makes lots of sense if you're a man with half a brain

I buy a tenth of whiskey and a cold three-pack of beer

I drink 'til I see single when I gaze into my mirror

I know that through that looking glass is where I'll have to be

Reunited with the better half of me

Chorus

Someday I'll find a woman and a half and take her hand

But 'til then I don't know when

I will be more than half a man