It says here that the unions will never learn

It says here that the economy is on the upturn

And it says here we should be proud

That we are free

And our free press reflects our democracy



Those braying voices on the right of the house

Are echoed down the street of shame

Where politics mix with bingo and tits

In a strictly money and numbers game



Where they offer you a feature

On stockings and suspenders

Next to a call for stiffer penalties for sex offenders



It says here that this year's prince is born

It says here do you ever wish

That you were better informed

And it says here that we can only stop the rot

With a large dose of law and order

And a touch of the short sharp shock



If this does not reflect you view you should understand

That those who own the papers also own this land

And they'd rather you believe

In coronation street capers

In the war of circulation, it sells newspapers

Could it be an infringement

Of the freedom of the press

To print pictures of women in states of undress



When you wake up to the fact

That you paper is tory

Just remember, there are two sides to every story