RESTAURANT MAN

No Please No

Not Tonight Please No

Mister - Can't You Go -

Not Tonight - Can't Have A Scene

ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, Please Go;

You - Hello, Sir-

I Said No

Important Customer



MARK

What Am I - Just A Blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You Sit All Night - You Never Buy!



MARK

That's A Lie - That's A Lie

I Had A Tea The Other Day



RESTAURANT MAN

You Couldn't Pay



MARK

Oh Yeah



COLLINGS

Benjamin Coffin III--Here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh No!



ALL

Wine & Beer!



MAUREEN

The Enemy Of Avenue A

We'll Stay



RESTAURANT MAN

Oiy Vey!



COLLINS

What Brings The Mogul In His Own Mind

To The Life Cafe?



BENNY

I Would Like To Propose A Toast

To Maureen's Noble Try

It Went Well



MAUREEN

Go To Hell



BENNY

Was The Yuppie Scum Stomped

Not Counting The Homeless

How Many Tickets Weren't Comp'ed



ROGER

Why Did Muffy--



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss The Show?



BENNY

There Was A Death In The Family

If You Must Know



ANGEL

Who Died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi - I'm Surprised

A Bright And Charming Girl Like You

Hangs Out With These Slackers

(Who Don't Adhere To Deals)



They Make Fun - Yet I'm The One

Attempting To Do Some Good

Or Do You Really Want A Neighborhood

Where People Piss On Your Stoop Every

Night?



Bohemia, Bohemia's

A Fallacy In Your Head

This Is Calcutta

Bohemia Is Dead



MARK

Dearly Beloved We Gather Here To Say

Our Goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies Irae - Dies Illa

Kyrie Eleison

Yitgadal V' Yitkadash (etc.)



MARK

Here She Lies

No On Knew Her Worth

The Late Great Daughter Of Mother Earth

On This Night When We Celebrate The Birth

In That Little Town Of Bethlehem

We Raise Our Glass - You Bet Your Ass To -

La Vie Boheme



ALL

La Vie Boheme

La Vie Boheme

La Vie Boheme

La Vie Boheme



MARK

To Days Of Inspiration,

Playing Hookey, Making Something

Out Of Nothing, The Need

To Express -

To Communicate,

To Going Against The Grain,

Going Insane,

Going Mad



To Loving Tension, No Pension

To More Than One Dimension,

To Starving For Attention,

Hating Convention, Hating

Pretension,

Not To Mention Of Course,

Hating Dear Old Mom And Dad



To Riding Your Bike,

Midday Past The Three

Piece Suits-

To Fruits - To No Absolutes-

To Absolut - To Choice-

To The Village Voice-

To Any Passing Fad



To Being An Us - For Once-

Instead Of A Them-



ALL

La Vie Boheme

La Vie Boheme



MAUREEN

Is The Equipment In A Pyramid?



JOANNE

It Is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The Mixer Doesn't Have A Case

Don't Give Me That Face



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister-She's My Sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So That's Five Miso Soup, Four

Seaweed Salad

Three Soy Burger Dinner, Two Tofu

Dog Platter

And One Pasta With Meatless Balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It Tastes The Same



MIMI

If You Close Your Eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

An Thirteen Orders Of Fries

Is That It Here?



ALL

Wine & Beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To Hand-Crafted Beers Made In

Local Breweries

To Yoga, To Yogurt, To Rice And

Beans And Cheese

To Leather, To Dildos

To Curry Vindaloo

To Huevos Rancheros And Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion Devotion, To Causing A

Commotion,

Creation, Vacation



MARK

Mucho Masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, To Fashion, To Passion

When It's New



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE

To Anything Taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham And Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To The Stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, Too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy And Toto Went Over The

Rainbow

To Blow Off Auntie Em



ALL

La Vie Boheme



MAUREEN

And Wipe The Speakers Off Before

You Pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well - Hurry Back



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We're Close



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, Trisexuals, Homo Sapiens

Carcinogens, Hallucinogens, Men,

Pee Wee Herman

German Wine, Turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To Apathy, To Entropy, To Empathy, Ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC

To No Shame - Never Playing The

Fame Game



COLLINS

To Marijuana



ALL

To Sodomy

It's Between God And Me

To S & M



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La Vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of bohemia and impromtu

salon will commence immediately following

dinner... Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,

will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff

dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about

his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular

one-night engagement at the eleventh street

lot, will sing native american tribal chants

backwards through her vocoder, while

accompanying herself on the electric cello-

which she has never studied.



BENNY

Your New Boyfriend Doesn't Know

About Us



MIMI

There's Nothing To Know



BENNY

Don't You Think That We Should Discuss --



MIMI

It Was Three Months Ago



BENNY

He Doesn't Act Like He's With You



MIMI

We're Taking It Slow



BENNY

Where Is He Now?



MIMI

He's Right -- Hmm



BENNY

Uh Huh



MIMI

Where'd He Go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet,

evocative song



(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)



MARK

That Doesn't Remind Us Of 'Musetta's

Waltz'



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard Will Model The

Latest Fall Fashions From Paris While

Accompanying Herself On The 10 Gallon

Plastic Pickle Tub



ANGEL

And Collins Will Recount his Exploits

As An Anarchist - Including The Tale Of

His Successful Reprogramming Of The

M.I.T. Virtual Reality Equipment To Self-

Destruct, As It Broadcast The Words.



ALL

'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS'



BENNY

Check!!



MIMI

Excuse Me - Did I Do Something Wrong?

I Get Invited - Then Ignored - All Night Long



ROGER

I've Been Trying - I'm Not Lying

No One's Perfect, I've Got Baggage



MIMI

Life's Too Short - Babe - Time Is Flying

I'm Looking For Baggage That Goes

With Mine



ROGER

I Should Tell You--



MIMI

I've Got Baggage Too



ROGER

I Should Tell You--



BOTH

Baggage - Wine--



OTHERS

And Beer!



MIMI

AZT Break



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me. You?



ROGER

Mimi