I am a student at Our Lady of Misery Catholic all-girls school

once a year only the sister let us have a dance

so I prayed real hard for a date to St. Jude of the desperate cause

and when Walter Pinkowski asked me out

I accepted despite his flaws (he has pimples and wears glasses...)



Sister Estella rang her little brass bell

she said girls you know the dance is soon

so those who are going now would you mind showing

after chapel in the common room

well a bunch of us stayed, I mean we always obeyed,

and besides there was no way to prepare

for the strange revelations that Sister shared with us there



she said youre temples of the Lord, handmaidens of Our Lady

and vessels of Holy pride

so no strapless gowns girls, and no wrap-arounds

theyll either fall down or blow open wide

and you must never choose black patent leather shoes

for as every filthy boy knows

by looking down there hell see your underwear

reflected in your shiny toes



chorus:

well the devil cant stand a good Catholic girl

thats the kind he likes to tempt the most

so remember when youre dancing close girls

leave room for the Holy Ghost!

well we got the gym, we hoped the lights would be dim

but for once they didnt want to save power

so the lights stayed on full while the nuns used their pull

to make the band play only one waltz per hour

when they finally slowed down Walters arm snuck around

and he tried to pull me close

I said Walter dont you do it, hey Walter you blew it

youre squashing the Holy Ghost



chorus



and girls if in a crowded situation you should ever have to

sit on your boyfriends knees

remember to insert between the two of you

a telephone book please for insulation now