Well, in this life there's a couple of certs,

One is death and the other's a nurse,

Well Lucy's old and they say she's passed it,

But I gave her one and her tits were that big,

And they said bollocks and they're made of plastic,

And that I never touched her,

That's just bagshit.



Lucy Lastic, we shagged everywhere,

On the washer in the kitchen and twice on the stairs,

Did you fuck? You're making it up.



Well I got a red pint round the back of our house,

Are you sure you want to play with my little red mouse?

I found his tail right up Lucy Lastic,

The Russians are coming, this is drastic.

So I closed the curtains and I sat on her belly,

There was dogfood in her clevage, forgot about torn welly.



Lucy Lastic's got a great back,

Two pounds of tripe just to take up the slack.

Was there fuck, you're making it up.



Lucy Lastic we shagged in a skip.

Dead cats in her knickers, tea bags on her tits.

We did it in a snowdrift in Wilderclough,

But Lucy Lastic was loose enough,

Lucy Lastic were loose enough,

Lucy Lastic were loose enough,

Lucy Lastic were loose enough