Dipping into his Filofax

He wonders who he can buy next

"C'mon, Play the game the Maxwell way

And you'll never lose, come what may"

There'll be the Maxwell League

And the Maxwell Cup

The Maxwell Trophy

For Maxwell clubs

Maxwell United and Maxwell Town

Who only play at Maxwell grounds

If you believe what the Mirror says

You'd think that Maxwell's trying to save the game

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

Who's the biggest liar of all?"

There'll be the Maxwell League

And the Maxwell Cup

The Maxwell Trophy

For Maxwell clubs

Maxwell United and Maxwell Town

Who only play at Maxwell grounds

Mister, can we have our football back?