I wake up every morning, six o'clock, I'm right on time

I eat a low fat breakfast, I tie a perfect tie

I kiss the wife, I hug the kids, I pat the dogs and cats

I never lose anything, my car keys or my hat



'Cause I'm the man of the year

I'm the man of the year



I never cheat at finals or miss a day at school

My urine tests are perfect, my prostate is a jewel



'Cause I'm the man of the year

I'm the man of the year

'Cause I'm the man of the year

I'm never, ever jealous

Never, ever cruel

I'm a graduate of Harvard

Where I never broke the rules



The Queen made me a knight

The Pope made me a saint

The President plays golf with me

I make Madonna faint



So why am I so lonely

Depressed and in despair

If I pull this trigger in my mouth will anybody care



It was the greatest funeral

I laid in perfect state

And later I will meet the Lord

I bet he just can't wait



To meet the man of the year

I'm the man of the year

Stand in line to meet the man

I'm the man

I'm the man

I'm the man