Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean

All you can give is a spin in your washing machine

I fly off to Rome to my prima bella

She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella

Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain



I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell

But the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell

For Lady Godiva I came incognito

But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto

Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain



I don't know why they leave me in the lurch

To carry on the search

It's driving me up the wall

Pity when I have so much passion

Romance is out of fashion

Can't handle modern love at all



So I worship Diana by the light of the moon

When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune

In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa

She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer

Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain