I'm sitting in my chair watching the TV

It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see

I just lit some crazy ass shit

that my friend overnight mailed to me



I'm fucking wasted

It's the best shit I ever tasted

I think they fucking laced it

Cause I'm so damn lambasted



Oh my friend came over so I packed him a pipe

I told him he better go easy with this shit but he didn't believe the hype

He sparked three bows just to show he could take it

Two minutes later he was playing backgammon naked



He's fucking wasted

It's the best shit he ever tasted

He's lost in fucking spaced-ed

Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted



Oh I spent the last two hours

hiding under my bed

Cause I looked in the garbage can

and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head



I'm fucking wasted



Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face

The bird laughed hysterically and started to moonwalk all over the place

He tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak

He looked at the two of us and he started to speak



I'm fucking wasted

It's the best shit I've ever tasted

My brain's been erased-ed

Well fucking fried



I'm sitting in the bathtub wanting something to eat

I wanted a pizza the bird said Pepperoni would be sweet

Delivery guy showed up four hours later, handed me his shoe

I said we ordered pizza buddy, what the hell's up with you



I'm fucking wasted

It's the best shit I ever fucking tasted

Oh fucking shit



I'm way too baked