Once that you've decided on a killing

First you make a stone of your heart

And if you find that your hands are still willing

Then you can turn a murder into art



There really isn't any need for bloodshed

You just do it with a little more finesse

If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee

Then it avoids an awful lot of mess



It's murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your ABC

Murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your ABC



Now if you have a taste for this experience

And you're flushed with your very first success

Then you must try a twosome or a threesome

And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less



Because murder is like anything you take to

It's a habit-forming need for more and more

You can bump off every member of your family

And anybody else you find a bore



Because it's murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your ABC

Murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your ABC



Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious

In history's great dark hall of fame

All our greatest killers were industrious

At least the ones that we all know by name



But you can reach the top of your profession

If you become the leader of the land

For murder is the sport of the elected

And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand



Because it's murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your ABC

Murder by numbers, one, two, three

It's as easy to learn as your A, B, C, D, E