A musical in three acts by XTC



Cast of characters



GRAHAM, a teenager

MOTHER, a busy housewife

FATHER, a conservative husband

POLICEMAN, a young constable



SCENE: A kitchen in suburbia, one bright Saturday morning



ACT ONE



Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the

line. Her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying

their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. Their

wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. A boy in blue is busy

banging out a headache on the kitchen door. All the while Graham

slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted

to.



Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good

boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we

made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



ACT TWO



Narrator: The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will

open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who

have been so badly kicked.



Policeman: Is this your son's wallet I've got here? He must have

dropped it after too much beer!



Mother: Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one

you've picked.



Narrator: And all the while Graham slept on, dreaming of a world

where he could do just what he wanted to.



Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good

boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we

made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



Narrator: They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.



Policeman: They never read that tattoo on his arm.



Narrator: They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.



Policeman: They never thought he'd do folks any harm.



ACT THREE



Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the

line. She's singing something stale and simple now this business has

fizzled out. Her little tune is such a happy song. Her son is

innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos Dad's a judge and knows exactly what

the job of judging's all about. And all the while Graham slept on,

dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.



Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good

boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we

made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



Mother: No thugs in our house!



Father: No thugs in our house!



Complete cast (in unison): No thugs in our house, dear!





Set Design by Andy Partridge with co-ordination by Ken Ansell.

Stage and Scenery by Art Dragon