It was christmas eve, i was standin' in the parking lot

Of "fabulous girls, nude - nude - nude"

In the car next to me there was a young lady givin' a blow-job

To a man in a santa claus suit

His beard was crooked, his hat askew

Embarrassed, i turned to go

When from the back seat of that mazda i heard somebody shout "oh baby, don't

Stop"



And a merry "ho-ho-ho"



When i walked inside, i ordered a beer and a double shot of whisk

And in three minutes i had fallen in love

The dj announced "ladies and gentlemen, from forth worth, texas: lady godiva"

And i sat and worshipped 'neath the angel above

At the end of her set she brushed her hair

Came and sat on the stool to my right

And said "will you buy me a drink?"

My heart beats fast, my trousers grew tight

And wittily i replied "uhhh...."



She showed me a picture of her kid

Said during the day she's an art student

She dances six nights a week for slobs and idiots like this

Of course, present company excluded.



On donner, on dancer, on comet, on blitzen

I'm lost in the valley of the supervixens

Worshippin' at the feet of the goddess above

I'm a pilgrim in the temple of love, ma, just a pilgrim in the temple

Of love



Well then santa came stumblin' in, and somebody shouted

"hey santa, where's your elves?"

He sat down on the stool to my left

And the bartender took a vodka bottle of the shelf

He asked if mrs. claus had called

To tell her he worked on the late shift at the mall

And he was sorry, but he just got through

I turned and i asked him:

"how's the kid this year, santa?"

Beneath his breath he whispered "a merry fuck you"



Well then the owner come over and he was a short gfat ugly guy

With a funny kind of pushed-in face

He shook my hand and said it was the first time

They'd ever had a real superstar in this place

Lady godiva bought me a few drinks

And words came out of my mouth

What they were, i couldn't guess

But it was something about showgirls, lapdancing, motley crue

You can guess the rest



Well i walked outside, snow was falling

I had some toys to put together - it was christmas time

Santa followed me into the parking lot

And threw up on the hood of the car next to mine

I gave him my handkerchief, pulled out onto the highway

And as i sat at the light

I swear i saw a sleigh with a dozen of reindeers

Pull up out of the parking lot and cut across the mall

And a voice shouted "merry christmas to all you assholes

And to all a good fucking night!"