Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies

Anything's better than real life sometimes



Click my heels and hope for better weather and sunshine

Hope my girl's cheating and that kid's not mine

Cross my arms and wiggle my nose but that building won't explode

And my ankle-cut stocking's full of coal

Think happy thoughts but I'm still a gravity victim

Think more happy thoughts but my vertical is still inches

Let the force flow through me but I can only sink ships

And I haven't quite nailed the mind trick

I caught some gamma rays from the microwave but my complexion stayed the same

And that spider bite turned red but I can't spin a web

I spoke "Enter" in Elvish and the entrance ignored us

So I drove up to the window and I ordered

These jigawatts wouldn't get me to the future or the past

It turns out this Flex Capacitor's a waste of cash

I named my computer Hal and he killed the air conditioning

I said the password was Joshua but I guess he wasn't listening

Said Beetlejuice three times, I even did it in rhythm

But I guess that doesn't work if you're living

The goblins helped me out, but I couldn't solve the labyrinth

Thankfully I don't believe in magic so nothing bad happened

This girl I know is kissing frogs, looking for a prince

Now she can't get a date with all those warts on her lips

I tried her glass slippers on and got gay-bashed with a bat

Then the tooth fairy stiffed me for my missing molars and caps

So all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

Instead I got a blender and a Crazy Straw from '83

And this is coming from my Tell-Tale Heart

But if you dig into my basement throw Sloth a chocolate bar

And I don't have a cornfield so the only signs I get

Are from