ACT ONE



The note said "Darling...

I hate to tell you this way,

But I've run off with your Roommate,

Signed - Your Fiance".

I sat down and cried.

What else could I do?

That's when I noticed that my CarKeys were missing to,

And so was my favorite sweater,

And my TV

And My Stereo!

My whole life crumbled before my eyes.

Where was I to go?



I ran to the Supermarket

In a blinding rage

Craving foods I have not touched since I was

Twelve years of age.

'Cuz not only did my man run out today

My boss let me go

I have been depressed before

But never quite this low

Yes I guess I've been depressed

But ever this low? NO!



And I ran up and down the aisles of the supermarket

crying and shaking and pulling things off the shelves

based solely on their carbohydrate, calorie and cholesterol count.

I didn't go overboard.

Just enough to get me through the night.

So I threw my purchases down on the conveyer belt

They rolled up to the checkout girl

She looked at them

She looked at me

and she said...



Hey Lady can't you read?

The sign here says express.

I'll check you out if you have got

Ten items or less.

But you've got

2 4 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 things right here

If you want me to check you through

Put three things back my dear.



Well NO! I said defiantly

Trying not to shake

Then she said "Sweetheart, you don't need those

Hostess Twinkies, You don't need that Coffee Cake

And why those Famous Amos cookies

Let me tell you they're grossly overpriced

Put three things back

Those are the rules

I'm asking you real nice".



But I just couldnc