Midnight Saturday sat in the dark

watching the ceiling falling apart

the air-conditioner's been busted for weeks

so the smell of cooking seeps through the floor

I can't eat no more



They want me to be as light as a feather

so the Doctor's wired my jaws together

now I'm locked in the bedroom away from the food

so I lie on my back in the dark in the nude

I can't eat no more

I got to use a straw



But if the Devil dragged me down to the kitchen

I wouldn't put up a fight

I'd gladly sign away my soul

for a T-bone steak tonight



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack



Gimme sausage, egg and beans and chips

milkshakes, clambakes, fondue & dips

and sauces, horses, 17 courses

of barbequed beef with asparagus tips

rashers of bacon, bagels and lox

and tandoori prawns and a box of chocs

spaghetti with mussels, palma hams

& deep frozen waffles with syrup & jams



My willpower's gone I'm down on my knees

praying to the God of cottage cheese

it's no good trying I'll never beat it

'cos if it moves I'll eat it

So undo my trousers, let out the slack

who cares it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack



My father was a gents outfitter

my mother went crazy, they had to commit her

they used to tell me don't be a quitter

but I know deep down I'm the runt of the litter

I can't eat no more

I gotta use a straw



How do you take an overdose

or even pretend to do it

when the last straw is the one in your mouth

and you can't suck sleepers through it

I can't eat no more

I gotta use a straw



But if the Devil took me to Mexico

to taste his guacamole

I'd gladly sign my name in blood

and give him the keys to my soul

because I can't eat no more

I can't eat no more



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack



Midnight Sunday asleep on the floor

curled up in the corner can't take no more

Armies of food invade my sleep

led by lasagnas ten inches deep

My head is pounding my heart is beating

cows are mooing sheep are bleating

I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten



and then a burglar alarm goes off in my head

and I wake up screaming am I dead or alive

and the clock says five

it's only five in the morning

I'm covered in sweat

am I hungry? you bet!



Cold turkey's what I'm going through

cold turkey's what I need

but they hung a sign on my appetite

saying "Danger Do Not Feed"

I can't eat no more

I got to use a straw

I can't eat no more

I can't eat no more



And they've even taken away

the pictures of food I had on my wall

and my treasured collection of menus

they screwed up into a ball

in front of my face they flicked it

out of the window into the night

but they'll never unscramble the combination

they'll never get it right

now if they made a feature film

that featured only food

I'd wallow in the crowd scenes

while the rest of the audience booed

and if I got myself a video

I could satisfy the need

I could check out the action frame by frame

and watch the calories breed

but I can't eat no more

I got to use a straw

I can't eat no more

I can't eat no more

I got to use a straw



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack



I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac

I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack

a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack

just call me Jack Kerouac

click-clack open up the hatchback

I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack

pattacake, pattacake Big Mac

good God it's a snack attack

it's a snack attack