I got Persian rugs

I got exterminated bugs

I got a house that goes from over there to here

Yeah, my basement's full of fine imported beer.

But I got somethin' -- somethin' in my ear

I got ducks that float

I got a power boat

I got a wife who's almost got her MBA

In every argument I always get my way

But when I walk my dog, he always runs away



One inch away from heaven

I'm on a train that's bound for glory

But as I ride those shining rails

I always bite my nails



I got tubeless tires

I got phones without wires

I got a hundred-year-old bonsai redwood tree

I've had successful arthroscopic surgery (on his knee)

But last Friday a pigeon pooped on me



One inch away from heaven

I've almost made it to Nirvana

It's the little things that teach

Perfection's out of reach



I got a way with girls

I got natural curls

I got a straight man when I want to take a fall

There's an autographed photo of the Pope on my wall

But when I phone him, he never returns my call

But when I phone him, he never returns my call

But when I phone that Pope, he never returns

my call (Pope John Paul