Step right up, step right up, step right up,

Everyone's a winner, bargains galore

That's right, you too can be the proud owner

Of the quality goes in before the name goes on

One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales

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Something for the little lady, hmm

Three for a dollar

We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale

And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today

Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you

They come in all colors, one size fits all

No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery

Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business

Going out of business sale

Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man

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How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume

Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate

Don't be caught with your drawers down,

Don't be caught with your drawers down

You can step right up, step right up



That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,

Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn

And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school

It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,

It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens

And it finds that slipper that's been at large

under the chaise lounge for several weeks

And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,

It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar

And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up



'Cause it forges your signature

If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product

For complete refund of price of purchase

Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations

You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it

Swim in it, sleep in it,

Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it

Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right

And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet

Tired of being the life of the party?

Change your shorts, change your life, change your life

Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,

And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax

Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator

See you later alligator

And it steals your car

It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking

It's a friend, and it's a companion,

And it's the only product you will ever need

Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing

Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,

Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job

And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,

And it gives you denture breath

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And it gets rid of your traveler's checks

It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned

Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,

Never needs winding, never needs winding

Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,

Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,

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'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,

It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection

It gives you an erection, it wins the election

Why put up with painful corns any longer?

It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home

We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed

How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it

We need your business, we're going out of business

We'll give you the business

Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale

Receive our free brochure, free brochure

Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included

Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,

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You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away

Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up

C'mon step right up

(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)

Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon

Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,

C'mon and step right up