Today is the day

There is no other day

Except for today



Old Man Death took his last breath

Goin' down to the Heckhole

Jumped right in, shed his own skin

And came back out a knothole



Automatic Slim was shootin' it again

Got the whole town to jumpin'

When Eris leaped in, put him in a spin

Now the whole town is fuckin'



Old Maid Sally was waitin' in the Valley

For a knight of shining armor

Packed it all in for a big boy's spin

She don't have to wait no longer



I got the dogs outta my head

I got the snakes were crawlin' under my bed

I got the eyes turnin' to desire

Got 19 heads and a soul full o' fire



Cowboy Bill took a great spill

When he fell off his horsie

Brion smoked in, took away his sin

Now Bill commands the forces



I got the walls outta my head

I got the screechin' outta my bed

I got the tongues in liquid fire

Got 23 ways that will inspire



Cat on a hot tin is cavin' my roof in



I was born in the heat of a deep recline

Couldn't get in from out the inside



Old Man Death took his last breath

Goin' down to the Heckhole

Jumped right in, shed his own skin

And came back out a knothole (and you can too)