Last night, all hope was gone

For opening up the big door,

Till Frodo guessed the word "Mellon",

Stupid hobbits and riddle lore.

I kept my cool, I ain't no fool,

Let me tell you What happened then

A monster chased us all inside,

And I ain't comin' out again.



We'll take the Ring through Moria,

The ancient dwarven hall,

Gimli says he's comin' home,

But I'll be taking a fall.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,

Cut the tension with a knife,

Gonna battle with a Balrog,

I've gotta start a new life.



There were Seven Rings for the Dwarven kings,

Nine for Men, no doubt,

Three the Elves put on the shelves,

And the one that the book's about.

Was I so wrong to fight Sauron

Alone for all these years?

Saruman, my friend, has made me cry,

So now I'm his Pal-in-tears.



We'll take the Ring through Moria,

We'll be passing Balin's Tomb,

Gotta throw the One Ring

Into the crack of Mount Doom.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,

We'll fight a zillion orcs,

If they're so tough, how come they lose

To Merry and Pippin, those dorks?



When a wizard studies Sauron

In a dusty old museum,

He misses things besides the Rings,

Hey, I Gollum as I see 'em

I never really noticed

That Arwen's so damn hot.

It just so happens Aragorn's not here --

Would you like to -- oh. Maybe not.



We'll take the Ring through Moria,

We'll hope we don't get lost,

Gimli's looking nauseous,

There's a real dwarf toss.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,

I've got to lose a fight,

When I boogie with a Balrog,

But I'll be Gandalf the White.