THAIS

(Newman Levy)



One time in Alexandria, in wicked Alexandria

Where nights were wild with revelry and life was but a game,

There lived, so the report is, an adventuress and courtesan

The pride of Alexandria, and Thais was her name.

(Break: Naughty Lady of Shady Lane)



Nearby, in peace and piety, avoiding all society

There dwelt a band of holy men who'd made their refuge there,

And in the desert's solitude, they spurned all earthly folly to

Devote their lives to holy works, to fasting and to prayer.

(Break: Break, oh Mighty Fortress)



Now one monk whom I solely mention of this band of holy men

Was known as Athaneal, he was famous near and far.

At fasting bouts and prayer, with him, none other could compare

with him,

At plain and fancy praying he could do the course in par.

(Break:God of our Fathers)



One day while sleeping heavily, from wresting with the Devil he

Had gone to bed exhausted, though the sun was shining still

He had a vision Freudian, and though he was annoyed, he an-

Alyzed it in the well-known style of Doctors Jung and Brill.

(Break:Dr. Freud)



He dreamed of Alexandria, of wicked Alexandria.

A crowd of men was cheering in a manner rather rude.

And Athaneal glancing there at THAIS, who was dancing there

Observed her do the shimmy, in what artists call The Nude!

(Break: Samson and Delilah)



Said he,"This dream fantastical disturbs my thoughts monastical,

Some unsuppressed desire, I fear, has found my monkish cell.

I blushed up to the hat o' me to view that girl's anatomy

I'll go to Alexandria and save her soul from Hell!"

(Break: Onward Christian Soldiers)

So, pausing not to wonder where he'd put his winter underwear

He quickly packed his evening clothes, a toothbrush and a vest

To guard against exposure he threw in some woolen hosiery

And bidding all the boys Adieu, he started on his quest.

(Break: Happy Wanderer)



The monk, though warned and fortified was deeply shocked and

mortified,

To find, on his arrival, wild debauchery in sway.

While some were in a stupor, sent by booze of more than two

percent,

The rest were all behaving in a most immoral way.

(Break: Passengers Will Please Refrain)



Said he to Thais, "Pardon me. Although this job is hard on me,

I've got to put you straight to what I came out hear to tell:

What's all this boozin' gettin' you? Cut out this pie-eyed

retinue,

Let's hit the road together, kid, and save you soul from Hell!"

(Break: Onward Christian Soldiers)

Although this bold admonishment caused Thais some astonishment,

She quickly answered,"Say! You said a heaping mouthful, Bo!

This burg's a frost, I'm telling you. The brand of hooch they're

selling you

Ain't like the stuff you used to get, so let's pack up and go!"

(Break: Blowing in the Wind)



So off from Alexandria, from wicked Alexandria

Across the desert sands they go, beneath the burning sun.

Till Thais, parched and sweltering, finds refuge in the

sheltering

Seclusion of a convent in the habit of a nun.

(Break: Dominique)



And now the monk is terrified to find his fears are verified

His holy vows of chastity have cracked beneath the strain!

Like one who has a jag on, he cries out in grief and agony

"I'd sell my soul to see her do the shimmy once again!"

(Break: Snake Dance)

Alas! His pleadings amorous, though passionate and clamorous

Have come too late. The courtesan has danced her final dance.

Said he,"Now that's a joke on me, for that there dame to croak on



me,

I never should have passed her up the time I had a chance!"



NOTE: Breaks are instrumental breaks as performed by Nick

Krukovsky.

@ballad @religion @drink

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RG

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