L.L. Cool J

Servin em well

And as you all know..

I AM - HARD - AS HELL



Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn'

Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on

Then I reached for a brush since I don't use the picks

And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks

Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes

As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator's breaks

With hardcore - heavyweight - b-boy blast

Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator's fast

Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot

So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot

Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne

Then I called up Earl on the telephone

He told me 'bout a jam that I could do later on

10 g's plus a limo for one strong song

So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared

Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard

Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes

As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon

12 o'clock came, left the door crack

The freak walked in, a mink on her back

Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? on

Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm

We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons

She said, "L.L., when you're gonna let me taste your tongue?"

My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail

Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail

She left, Earl came over and we went outside

Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride

Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel

I'm not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal

The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex

But those who flex end up with broke necks

Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks

Said, "It's L, baby, I ain't down with Chic"

Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more

Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door

Due cause I'm a gangster people think I do crimes

They don't know I'm just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes

Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times

But he don't know my autograph's on his wife's behind

L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs

Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob

Don't run from the cops, makin suckers jock

And I'm only 18 makin more than your pops

Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys

And I dare any critic to call it noise

Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03

Said 'later' to Creator and broke out with E

Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake

Thinkin 'bout a 100'000 that I'd soon make

Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat

E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat

Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door

Since tonight is a bore I'm in the mood for more

We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time

It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine

L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam

With thousands of people screamin, "Touch my hand!"

But since I had a hour plus a half for tat

I was searchin for the cutie who's my perfect match

Her name was Renee, her face was okay

But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play

I said, "No need to rehearse," then I made my approach

Said, "You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach"

Said, "My name's L.L. - Cool, if I may introduce

But I'm not here for conversation, I'm here to seduce

Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind

Cause it ain't 5th grade, and these ain't nursery rhymes

And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore

Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors

So tell your buddies you're busy, tell your boyfriend beat it

Forget the silk dress,cause you ain't gonna need it

Unplug your clock, do away with the light

After five minutes or more you hear me say, 'That's right!'

Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy

When we make love you can call me daddy

I'm L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee

I'm not a toyboy, but I still wanna play

Promise you I'm not wack when I'm in the sack

After that I leave you starvin for me to come back

But in the meantime, put your digits down

And the next time I see ya I'm goin to town"

Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine

When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line

Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage

If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage

I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust

Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust

Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks

They said, "L.L., you're runnin late and it'is time to rock"

Told Cut Creator what the order would be

Then I said "Lord have mercy" and slapped hands with E

Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream

And that's the very moment I woke up from the dream

Aahh!