It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender



Broken hearts everywhere

Herpes inna hot tub you know they just don't care

I can't take the smog, can't take the heat

But I dig Pick 'n Save you know their prices can't be beat

Dog crap in the front yard, Hibachi's in the back

Junior's in the driveway with a Big Mac attack

I tried to take lunch but I couldn't leave home

'cause the man from the car shop is shining my chrome



Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge of the pool

You shove me in and I'm gonna lose my cool

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender



My son said Pops I don't want to go to class

'Cause I'm functionally illiterate but still I'll pass

Life is a breeze, I'm gonna wax my skis

Empty your pockets 'cause I need your keys

You know what's funny? I'm gonna inherit all your money

Now eat your brie before it gets too runny

I'm not a slave, I dig new wave

I'm gonna dance to the Go-Gos on your grave



Don't push me unless you've got a lot

'Cause I'll sue you for everything you got

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender



A kid is born with a whack on the butt

If a boy right away then his penis is cut

Then there's God up above and he's beaming down love

'Cept when he's frisky then he gives you a shove

You grow up in the suburbs living first rate

When your parents aren't home you get to stay up late

The mall where you shop and your homegrown crop

Make you feel sure you're gonna stay on top

When your folks call you liar you'll aspire to get higher

Maybe in frustration you'll go puncture a tire

Driving Dad's car, spending twenties and tens

Life is a all and you're up on the trends.



Don't push me 'cause I'm standing in line

Here -- calm down -- have a sip of wine

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender



You say I'm cool, I'm no fool

But then you wind up applying to grad school

Now you're working like mad, you're dressed up in plaid

You drive to work in your very own Cad

Your blanket's electric, your kid is dyslexic

You save on the food 'cause your wife's anorexic

You're a wheeler dealer, on the beach you're a peeler

In the winter you're a gung-ho snowmobiler

You've got a fine education, a fine cable station

And every year you get a fine paid vacation

You've gotten mature, you say "fer sure"

You buy a fur and listen to your wife purr

And when it's over, and you're dead of cancer

They'll remember you fondly as a disco dancer

It's plain to see that your life was full

A little on the light side but not too dull

And now you're buried six feet deep

So open your eyes from a very long sleep

You know you're gone and you wonder well

What's it going to be, heaven or hell?

But God's a guy who acts real sly

He'll think up something weird just to give it a try

God's a man with a plan who does what he can

So you gotta have faith and try to understand



Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge

I've been reincarnated as a very small trimmed hedge

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder

How I keep myself so slender