Its Saturday night and Im alone, Ive made no future plans,

So I sit me down and I pull out the little old Man,

I aint got a girlfriend and I dont have a date,

But thats alright with me coz I love to masturbate



Back in the old days Id buy some magazines, a six pack of beer and a tub of Vaseline,

Penthouse and Hustler were as good as it could get,

But I hit the jackpot when I found the Internet.



Im beating my meat, pounding the pud, yeah Im jacking off!

I got a good grip on my joystick, and it aint Microsoft,

Im flogging my dog, spanking the monkey, aint computers great!

Yeah Ill never leave home coz I love to masturbate!



They got naked men and women, and all kinds of sex galore,

Blondes, brunettes and redheads and Philippine whores,

No matter what youre into, youll find your own dot COM,

Theres even one for old chicks where I think I saw my mum!



Yeah choke the chicken, rub the duck, yeah Im talking low,

I got a good grip on my joystick and I cant let it go,

Row that skin boat, stroke the log, aint computers great!

Yeah Ill never leave home coz I love to masturbate!



They say things like E commerce, with three WWWs and a dot,

They say Its for information, but Im here to say its not,

Now theyre trading it on Wall Street, but they aint fooling me,

Its al just a cover for the porn industry!



And Im shagging my shaft, cleaning my gun, hammering the nail,

Im a cybersex site surfer, with my own email,

Im petting my snake, jacking off, thank you old Bill Gates,

Ill never leave home coz I love to masturbate!

Yeah Ill never leave home coz I love to masturbate!