Chanukah is the festival of lights

Instead of one day of presents

We get eight crazy nights

So when you feel like the only kid in town

Without a Christmas tree

Here's a new list of people who are Jewish

Just like you and me

Winona Ryder drinks Manachevett's wine

Then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives loads of Chanukah toys

The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravits is half Jewish

Courtney Love is half, too

Put them together

What a funky, bad-ass Jew!

We got Harvey Keitel

And flash dancer Jennifer Bill

Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish

And, yes, her boobs are real

Put on that yarmulke

It's time for Chanukah

Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffmonica celebrates Chanukah

OJ Simpson, still not a Jew

But guess who is

The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylon was born a Jew

Then he wasn't, but now he's back

Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish

'Cause we're pretty good in the sack

Guess who got barmitzvahhed on the PGA Tour

No, I'm not talking about Tiger Woods

I'm talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore

So many Jews are in the showbiz

Bruce Springstein isn't Jewish

But my mother thinks he is

Tell that ho Lamonica

It's time to celebrate Chanukah

It's not pronounced CH-anukah

The C is silent in Chanukah

So read your hooked on phonica

Get drunk in Tiajuanica

If you really, really wannaca

Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, Chanukah

Hapyy Chanukah!