If my life was a movie I'd want to be Jackie Chan

Cause humor grace and honor are the marks of a man

My fights would all be glorious, my smile would melt girls' hearts

I'd be the toast of Hong Kong, my songs would top the charts

But I am what I am and that's all I am

That's all I can stand cause I can't stands no more

If my life was a silent film I'd want to be Buster Keaton

I'd embrace the blues and in the process I'd defeat them

I'd have no fight with gravity, I'd do just as I please

I'd tumble down each flight of stairs with the greatest of ease

CHORUS

If my life was a cartoon I'd want to be the Popeye the Sailor

I'd have a damsel in distress and I would never fail her

I'd mutter something clever then I'd knock Bluto cold

I'd be a one-eyed mumbling crazy thug with a heart of gold

And all my problems would be solved because I eat my greens

My life it would be measured out in well-constructed scenes

I'd have drama without tragedy, anger without pain

Love without loneliness, hey, I would not complain

CHORUS