I got big balls

Big ol' balls

Big as grapefruits

Big as pumpkins

Yes sir, yes sir

And on my really good days

They swell to the size of small dogs

My balls are as big as small dogs



Well, it ain't braggin' if it's true

Yes sir, yes sir

It ain't braggin' if it's true

Muhammad Ali said that

Back when he was a young man

Back when he was Cassius Clay

Before he fought too many fights

And left his brain inside the ring



And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods



I got a friend whose goal in life

Was to one day go down on Madonna

That's all he wanted

That was all

To one day go down on Madonna

And when my friend was thirty-four

He got his wish in Rome one night

He got to go down on Madonna

In Rome one night in some hotel

And ever since he's been depressed

'Cause life is shit from here on in

And all our friends just shake their heads

And say too soon, too soon, too soon

He went down on Madonna too soon

Too young, too young, too soon, too soon



And it ain't braggin' if it's true

Yes sir, yes sir

It ain't braggin' if it's true

Muhammad Ali said that

Back when he was Cassius Clay

Before he fought too many fights

And left his brain inside the ring



And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods



If certain girls don't look at you

It means that they like you a lot

If other girls don't look at you

It just means they're ignoring you

How can you know, how can you know?

Which is which,