The Swiss Miss Girl made her fortune

Doing commercials on TV

But "Easy come, easy go" was

Her philosophy

She spent all of her money

She was searching for some cash

So she went to her friend Capt 'n Crunch

Whom she'd met at a Hollywood bash



The second that he saw her

He said, "I bet you're in need

Of some dough"

Perplexed and confused she asked him,

"Oh but Captain how did you know?"

Laughingly he responded,

"It was really just a lucky hunch"

With tears in her eyes she pleaded,

"Will you help me out Capt 'n Crunch?"



The trials and tribulations

Of the Swiss Miss Girl

She's got a famous reputation

And she's known throughout the world

But life's no bed of roses

She would change things if she could

She plans to make a brand new start

And move out of Hollywood



The Captain now was grinning

He felt he had her in the palm of his hand

He said, "Darlin' you're a penniless woman

And I'm a wealthy man"

You know the rules of the game by now

I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine

He said, "Let me take you out

And we'll talk about this

Over a bottle of wine"



The Swiss Miss Girl was disgusted

And she smacked him right in his face

Then she took his hat

And she stamped on that

Just to put him in his place

But the old man was persistent

He would not be undaunted

The more that he'd been taunted

The more she turned him on



Then the Captain made a pass at the Swiss Miss Girl

Tryin' to show her his affection

She screamed for help And when she did...

Mr. Clean came to her protection



The trials and tribulations

Of the Swiss Miss Girl

She's got a famous reputation

And she's known throughout the world

But life's no bed of roses

She would change things if she could

She plans to make a brand new start

And move out of Hollywood