Dum diti dum dang dang di dum

2 bums in an alley with a bottle of rum

1 bum said look Jack I'm the shit

put his knees to his ears and sucked his own dick

My mothers crazy I think she sniffs glue

she never liked me and I know that's true

Kicked me out the crib becuz I got a tattoo

No one loves me and no one cares

and all I ever get is funny stares

I can't help it if I'm nothin but a wino

so I hang at the zoo chillin with the rhinos

Stealin' bottles of booze outta A & P

I know a girl at Denny's and I always eat free

Got the same birthdate as Thomas Crapper

for Christmas I bought the old man the Clapper

I'm so dapper u can call me Dan

but they call me round eye when I'm chilin in Japan

Got a bad ass bitch adn she ain't no dike

but fuck that ho and let me tell ya what I like

I like bean burritos from Taco Bell

I like trippin on acid with Dick Vitale

My hair ain't plastic and my clothes aren't clashin'

I write my rhymes on a schooner in a 90's fashion

Took too many many trip and now I can's stop trippin

my mellow D. killed a rat in the kitchen

U think u toke tuff I'd disagree

nobody blows more doobs than Richard D.

I get ill on hoes who I know ain't fertile

I'm a real jet setter like Cecil turtle

I'm down with Bill Bands so Fuck Joe Glover

and while I'm at it muther fuck fat ass Sally Struthers

U look fine girl kinda undercover

but I can't fuck ya cuz you look like my mother

I said dang digee dang di dang dang

it ain't Eric Estrada or Kool and The Gang

U know I hand in the Clem chillin on the strip

with all them mother fuckers who slang that shit

U know I'm a pimp hold my dick like a holster

u sing it "all the girls want a kid rock poster"

Lifes a big joke and that's how it strikes me

but fuck it cuz I know "Somebody up there likes me."

Assholes are only assholes, fo sho