He was playing pool and drinking beer

Nothing more'n the occasional tear

But this man's life goes on

He gets greased all over from time to time

At the strip joint, where we met

He said: "Hi! My name is Ted

See that one over there, that ball of thunder?

Every time she goes Vavoom, I wiggle in my chair

Eh oh can I buy you a beer?"

Erh what a guy!



"Well I've had a few myself" he said

"But I never quit when I'm ahead

Too many rules and regulations, stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors

And another thing I won't discuss is religion, it always causes a fight"

Vavoom

"There she goes again"

Huh ah how does she do that, Ted?



Yeah! Aaaah haah!



And he told me of those injustices that he had suffered in his life

His wife and kids and boss and dogs and neighbours raising cain and causing strife

They were forever whining, bleating, howling, yapping, screeching, moaning, crying

Vavoom

He fed them well

Aaaah he keep them warm

Ted - Ted the Mechanic



Thing about Ted, didn't really care

Nothing much got in his hair

The beauty of it was that he was right

He was big as a truck, fast as a door (what's that?)

He was always right

The banjo player took a hike

And what's that song I used to like

Vavoom

Big as a truck

Uh he was fast as a door

Ted - What a guy!

Mmm top man, our Ted

Top man, our Ted

Top man, our Ted