It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year

I was driving in downtown Atlantis

My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was

overheating

So I pulled into a Shell station

They said I'd blown a seal

I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay

pal?"



While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the oyster

bar -- a real dive

But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Dolphins

I said, "Hi, Gil!!!"

You hafta yell, he's hard of herring



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Think I had a wet dream

Cruisin' through the Gulf Stream

Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Wet dream...



Gil was also down on his luck

Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water

I gullied up to the sandbar

He poured the usual

Rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred

With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side -- heavy on the

mako

I slipped him a fin -- on porpoise

I was feeling good

I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids -- for the

halibut



Well, the place was crowded

We were packed in like sardines

They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal --

what sole

Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon Chanted

Evening"

And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers

Probably there to see the bass player



One of them was this cute little yellowtail

And she's giving ME the eye

So I figure, this is my chance for a little fun

You know -- a piece of Pisces



But she said things I just couldn't fathom

She was too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of pressure

Boy, could she drink

She drank like a... she drank A LOT...

I said, "What's your sign?"

She said, "Aquarium"

I said, "GREAT!!! Let's get tanked!"



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I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait

I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows"

She threw me that same old line

"Not tonight -- I got a haddock"



And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cuz in came the biggest, meanest looking

haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike

He was covered with mussels

He came over to me, he said, "Listen shrimp -- don't you come trolling

around here"

What a crab

This guy was steamed -- I could see the anchor in his eyes



I turned to him, I said, "Abalone -- You're just being shellfish"

Well, I knew it was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cuz he was

already on the phone to the cods

The haddock hits me with a sucker punch

I catch him with a left hook

He eels over

It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel

Kelpless



I said, "Forget the cods, Gil, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon"

Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend

She came over to me, she said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game fish"

"What's your name?"

I said, "Marlin"



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Well from then on, we had a whale of a time

I took her to dinner

I took her to dance

I bought her a bouquet of flounders

And then I went home with her

And what did I get for my trouble?

A case of the clams



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