I've had a birthday come today, it's been a bit of a washout too

Though I had presents from everyone of the useful kind

Without much fun and a bit of a party do

Birthdays are jolly my mummy said

Ha-ha, mine's finished up being sent to bed

What's the good of a birthday if you can't have what you like

What's the good of a hankerchief to a fellow who wants a bike



They gave me a brush to clean me teeth and a tube of paste as well

And it wasn't the paste with the peppermint taste, it was a nasty carbollicky smell

So I squeezed all the paste on the carpet for fun

And I stood on the toothbrush so that break was done

And I won't use me hanky I'll just let it run

What's the good of a birthday



And the birthday party too it wasn't much good to me

I'd honey sandwiches, then some ham, some trifle jelly with cream and jam

And seven big cups of tea

And just then I noticed a big pork pie - I couldn't have it - now I ask you why

What's the good of a birthday if you can't eat till you're sick

What's the good of a piece of cake if a fella can't have his pick



They told me I'd be a P.I.G. and that I'd best beware, ha-ha

I said P.I.G.'s are happier than me, so why should I bloomin'well care

Then I crept in the larder and guess what I got

A tin of sardines and I et all the lot, he-he

Then I showed them if I could be sick or not, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hoo-hoo

It was awful - all over the place



When I'd been sick they said that's that and me birthday they said was done

They washed me hands and washed me face, I was sent to bed

I was in disgrace - just as if being sick was fun

They took all me clothes from the bedroom

'Cause then they