Holland is ruled by midgets

The Pope owns CBS

The subway cars have been equipped with bars

And they're cloning Rudolph Hess



Samantha Fox has gone frigid

The President's painted green

Jesus Christ has been frozen in ice

But he still makes the scene



Everybody wants to know what gives

But I know where the Tarantula lives



Jim Bakker got eaten by wombats

The Fever's spread to town

Ol' Doris Day has been taken away

Has anybody seen my downs?



Popeye got killed in combat

Donny and Marie went punk

B.F. Skinner has eaten my dinner

There's a body in that trunk



Everybody wants to know what gives

But I know where the Tarantula lives



Uncle Bob caught fire

The protesters are on strike

Mr. Green Jeans is acting obscene

'Cause his Jello has been spiked



Honesty is a liar

The truth is in the sink

Auntie Bess says