I'd like to tell you a story

About what it's like to be a walking hypochondriac in the 1990's

Oh but I can't 'cause... I'm not feeling good

I think I'm coming down with something,

something serious.



And I'd like to tell you a story

About what it's like to be the pessimistic voice in the crowd everywhere I go

Oh but I can't 'cause... what difference whould it make?

everything would still be as terrible as it is right now,

so why go on living?



I'd like to tell you a story

About how I've alienated everybody I've ever met in my whole entire life.

Nah, but I can't 'cause... 'Cuz you're so stupid

you probably don't even know what a big word like "alineate" even means!



Life is hard

Life is rough

Life is cruel

Life is tough

Oh, like a dog stuck in a tree

I've been abandoned by humanity



And I'd like to tell you a story

about how hard it is for me to concentrate.

I'm so easily distracted everytime I try to do my work

Nahh, but I can't tell you about that 'cause.... Ooh! when did I break that nail?

Damn, I hate when that happens.



And I'd like to tell you a story

About how I can't ever seem to make a decision these days

I've become so undecided about everything.

Nah but I can't cause...

Oh yes I can!

No I can't...

Yes, I can...

No! No No No



And I'd like to tell you a story

About how it feels to be extremely PMS right now

Ah but I can't... 'cause I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!



Life is hard

Life is rough

Life is cruel

Life is tough

Oh, like a dog stuck in a tree

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, woe is me -