A fine romance my good fellow.

You take romance, I'll take jello.

You' re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean,

at least they flap their fins to express emotion.



A fine romance with no quarells,

with no insults and all morals,

I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants,

I never get the chance; this is a fine romance!



A fine romance with no kisses,

a fine romance my friends this is,

to lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has,

we don't have half the thrills that the march of time has.



A fine romance with no clinches,

a fine romance with no flinches,

you're just as hard to land as the Ile de France,

I haven't got a chance.

My heart isn't made of plastic, you're the reason I'm sarcastic; 'cause this is a fine fine romance!