A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle

A fine romance, you won't wrestle

I might as well play bridge

With my old maid aunt

I haven't got a chance

This is a fine romance



A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder

But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder (*)

Yes, a fine romance, with no glitches

A fine romance, with no bitches

You're just as hard to land as the 'Isle de France'

I haven't got a chance

This is a fine romance



A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, and I'll take jello

You're calmer than the seals

In the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins

To express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels

With no insults and all morals

I've never mussed the crease

In your blue serge pants

I never get the chance

This is a fine romance



Yes, a fine romance, my dear, duchess

Two old fogeys, who need crutches

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

But we don't have the thrills that the march of time has, ba-ba-da-day

A fine romance, my good woman

My strong, age in the wood, woman

You never give the orchids I sent a glance

No, you like cactus plants, ha ha

This is a fine romance



A fine romance, my dear duchess

Two old fogeys, who need crutches



True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

You know Louis, we don't have half the thrills that the march of time has,



You telling me; fine romance, my very good w